Why Trying to Change Others Never Works

We've all been there. We’ve all thought, "If only I could change [insert name here], everything would be perfect." The desire to change others is as old as time itself. But here's the million-dollar question: Does it actually work?

Let’s take a look at "The Change Game" - a relationship game that people have been playing since the beginning of time, but one that ultimately leaves everyone losing. We’ll explore why trying to change others is a futile endeavor and what we should do instead.

The Myth of Changing Others

Remember the story of Pygmalion from Greek mythology? He sculpted his idea of the perfect woman and fell in love with his creation. Eventually, the gods granted his wish and brought the statue to life. It's a nice story, but real life doesn't work that way.

The truth is, we can't change other people. We can barely change ourselves! As the apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 3:18, "And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." True transformation comes from within, through the power of God's Spirit.

The Danger of Judgmentalism

When we play the Change Game, we often fall into the trap of being judgmental. We look at others, see their flaws, and think, "If only they would change this one thing..." But Jesus had some strong words about this attitude:

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1-2)

Jesus isn't saying we shouldn't use critical thinking. He's warning us against being judgmental - that attitude of being confident in our own righteousness and looking down on everyone else (Luke 18:9).

The Plank in Our Own Eye

Here's a funny (and convicting) illustration Jesus used:

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3-4)

It's easy to spot the faults in others, but we're often blind to our own issues. Instead of using a magnifying glass to inspect others, we need a mirror to examine ourselves.

Seeing Others as Jesus Does

So how can we break free from this judgmental attitude? By trying to see others as Jesus does. Remember how the religious leaders criticized Jesus for eating with "sinners and tax collectors"? His response is telling:

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17)

If we want to be like Jesus, our path isn't to judge others but to show love to those who are hurting, trapped in sin, or caught in Satan's snares.

Moving Beyond a Critical Spirit

The Message Bible paraphrase puts it this way: "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging." (Matthew 7:1-2, MSG)

Instead of fault-finding, which often backfires, we're called to be each other's greatest cheerleaders. As the early church father St. Chrysostom said, we should correct others "not as a foe or as an adversary, but like a physician providing medicines."

Putting It Into Practice

So how do we move from playing the Change Game to creating an environment where God can bring about true transformation? Here are some practical steps:

1. Focus on self-examination: Before pointing out others' faults, take a good look in the mirror.

2. Practice unconditional love: Remember 1 Corinthians 13:7 (Living Bible): "If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him."

3. Be an encourager: Instead of criticizing, look for ways to uplift and support others.

4. Pray for transformation: Ask God to work in both your life and the lives of those around you.

5. Trust the Holy Spirit: Remember that true change comes from within, through God's power.

As we say goodbye to the Change Game, let's commit to becoming people of unconditional love and encouragement. After all, it's not our job to change others - that's God's department. Our role is to love, support, and create an environment where God’s transforming work can flourish.

Reflection:

1. How have you tried to change others in your life? What was the result?

2. In what ways do you struggle with being judgmental towards others?

3. How can you focus more on your own spiritual growth rather than critiquing others?

4. What would it look like to be a "cheerleader" for those around you instead of a critic?

Application:

This week, practice seeing others through Jesus' eyes of love and compassion. When you're tempted to judge or criticize, pause and ask God to help you respond with encouragement instead. Look for opportunities to affirm and build up those around you.

Prayer:

God, forgive me for the times I've tried to change others or judged them harshly. Help me to focus on my own spiritual growth and to see others as you see them. Fill me with your love and compassion, that I may be an encouragement to those around me. Transform me by your Spirit to become more like Jesus. In His name I pray, Amen.